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I am certain that somewhere out there, there exists a female version of this diatribe,
and it is probably called, "Partying in my Powder Room"
I think it goes something like this!
As I sit in endless bliss, I ruminate over the many benefits of being a single gal.
I no longer have to clean up the circle of piss spray that encircled the floor around my
toilet bowl, because a certain someone couldn't aim straight.
I never have to explain to the jealous jerk I'm with, why another man might find me sexy,
attractive, and loves to talk to me because I have such a great personality.
I never have to plan my TV watching schedule or social life around "the big game"
that comes on endlessly, repeatedly and continuously bores me.
I never have to smell someone's burps, belches and farts next to me at night,
in my face or hair. And then have to explain to that same someone, why
"I'm not in the mood."
I never have to hold my nose when I enter the bathroom/living room/basement, or
anyplace else he's just visited.
I never have to watch someone scratching their balls or sitting slouched on the couch
with their hand just resting on the inside of pants, with the thumb sticking out on top.
I never have to pretend I'm even remotely interested in "the big game" or who won it
or who made it to the playoffs. Who cares?
I can eat healthy, nutricious and delicious food of my own choosing, instead of getting
greasy, smelly, fat laden takeout, chips, buffalo wings, coney dogs, which I don't really
enjoy and then feel guilty about eating such trife the next day.
And again, I don't have to smell it 24 hours later.
I don't have to have one of those stupid looking, monstrosity Lazy Boy recliners sitting
in my living room, completely messing up my decor.
I never have to watch "the big game" or listen endlessly about how important
that crucial pass to the inside zone or left field or somewhere out in outer space was,
or who didn't make the first round draft, which coach got fired, which player was let go,
who got caught beating their wife/girlfriend in some sleazy hotel room or who got caught
on steroids. WHO CARES?
Yes, I absolutely shout with a thrill! Thank you Lord for making me a Girl!. | | |
| As I sit in endless bliss, I reflect over the many benefits of being a single guy.
*The toilet seat can stay up forever
*You never have to explain where you've been
*You can flirt, wink, & smile at anyone you like unabashedly.
*You never have to go to the mall & endure endless shoe shopping.
Or watch someone try on dozens of different dresses.
*You can belch, fart, & scratch to your heart's delight.
*You don't have to memorize stupid answers to even dumber questions
like: "Does this dress make me look fat"? (But did I learn to say: No,
it's your wide hips & thunder thighs that make you look like Shamu
the whale dear!)
*You can eat & drink whatever you like > none of those tofu pizzas for me, or sushi sandwiches either.
*You never have to sit through any of those boring chick flicks >
all they do is whine & cry about their loser boyfriends. If I
wanted to hear that, I'd find myself in a relationship.
*You can
watch the sports channels 24/7, without having to explain why you are
so enthralled over highly paid athletes performing.
*You don't have
to explain why figure skating is one of the things you don't care to
watch. But cheer leading competitions are must see events.
Yes, every day I truly shout with joy > Thank you Lord for making me a boy!  | | |
| It has been reported President Bush is pushing tax rebates of $800 for individuals & $1600 for married couples. The idea being, "Putting money into the hands of households and firms that would spend it in the near term" is a priority, he said.
Well now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the broad brush of being painted a tax & spend liberal has never been applied to the Bushman has it? And further, is this just another throwing money at the problem idea? Or for the more cynical, is this just a political solution designed to show the President really does care about the little people, & hope they'll be voting Republican in the Nov., after they've enjoyed spending their rebates at Wal-mart on mostly Chinese imported goods?
One can only wonder!
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| Season seven of American Idol has been playing on Fox these past two nights. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit I found it rather amusing. Normally, I try to find some compassion for the pitiful people who in utmost earnest proudly proclaim: "I'm here to be the next American Idol!" Only to have their high hopes quickly dashed by what they often consider to be the terrible & tyrannical three judges.
The show starts the season with the audition of wanna be hopefuls by inviting anyone & everyone with a dream to come in for their chance. This would also include those who are talentless, tuneless, clueless, profane, bizarre, & a few who are good enough to be considered > in other words, a cross section of what one would normally find in life. Out of the tens of thousands who show up, a few hundred get to appear on camera for their brief moment of fame. For many, it's nothing more than a train wreck of the circus freak show. Their "talents" are quickly dismissed by derision & laughter from the judges. The word, "creepy" has come up several times. And much to this writer's revulsion, the guy showing up wearing a flattened bustier over a forest of chest hair, & what could only be described as an amputated, shiny pair of purple drapery panels covering his lower half, with a sizable stomach hanging over & butt crack showing, was the most disgusting sight imaginable. He was told to get a chest wax & come back. He did & was promptly dismissed.
This form of entertainment would seem to be analogous to the movie, "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory", where a golden ticket is offered as the reward. Of course, only 5 golden tickets wrapped in millions of candy bars, are available in the movie & every child is desperately searching & hoping for one. Unfortunately, to win the grand prize, the winners must first get past the quirky Willie Wonka, the eccentric owner of the factory. Most of the naive children succumb to a variety of mishaps along the way as the Oompa Loompas provide a rousing rendition of their foibles. Only Charlie triumphs in the end & wins control of the factory, just as soon as the meddling Wonka will have the good sense to get out of the way.
In American Idol, the children are, for the most part, the contestants, all hoping for the golden ticket to Hollywood > where more grueling judgments await them. Baring their hopes & dreams to all who are willing to listen, we realize many are called but only one will win. And to do so will take talent, determination, & understanding of what is expected. I'm just not understanding why so few people of so little talent don't get it? Or are so shocked to still think they can sing, after it's quite obvious their real talent is that of a howling, shrieking banshee.
Yeah, I know>> call me clueless on not understanding why so many are not blessed with the very useful gift of self-analysis!
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| Could an atheist run for president & be elected? Certainly, we don't seem to have a problem with Mike Huckabee running for office, a Baptist pulpit pounding preacher, coming before us & spreading his Christian oriented message.
But when it comes to a nonbeliever, what chance would s/he stand? Despite all of the rhetoric about separation between Church & State, does anyone truly think an atheist would stand a chance?
I expect some will say, "We are one nation under God". Yes, well, that originated in time of slavery, hatred for the Native Americans, denial of women's right to vote or own property, & those in power all believed in pretty much the same monotheistic God. I won't even mention the advances of science that dispel the notion the Earth is only 5,000 years old.
In a multi cultural society, where we accept a diverse number of cultures & ethnicities, why are we so averse to atheists? I suspect it goes to the idea that many can not accept those who think differently about religion than what they were brought up to believe. Or perhaps, an atheist lacks the moral fiber to govern? On what basis that belief is formed, I haven't a clue.
And I suppose if an atheist would be unacceptable, would the Jews, Satanists, or even the agnostics be any more palatable? Even Mitt Romney the Mormon is being consider suspect by some.
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